I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
