Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
