Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
