Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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