woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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