textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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