So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
