His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
