i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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