I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
