Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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