Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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