I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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