everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
