with your own penis?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
