Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
