You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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