Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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