seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
