He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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