I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
