I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
