I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
