I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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