Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
