I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
