i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
