You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
