i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
