He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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