call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
