but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
