she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
