Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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