just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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