We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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