I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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