"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
