you guys were way drunker than both of me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
