His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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