Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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