i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
