If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize