a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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