I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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