I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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