bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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