Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
