Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
