she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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