Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
