i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
