She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
