Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
sarcasm needs its own font
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
