Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
