If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
