i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
