College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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