He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
