Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
