i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
