I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Green mimosas i think yes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
