Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
