when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
